Lies, damned lies and you're-a-goddamned-racist

This week, I read that, as a nation, we netted exactly zero jobs in the month of August. Frightening, since just about every figure released by the government this year has been adjusted downward. That's right - we began the year with triumphal hope-and-change numbers posted and announced across every online news source's headlines. Then, a month or two later, they, um, kinda ticked down a little. Not really heralded all that much and not very good for the current administration's credibility, the news was usually buried in the internet's equivalent of page eighty-three, second sidebar on the left, under the "sorry we got your last name wrong" retractions.

In case you're curious, here are the jobs-added numbers direct from the Bureau of Labor Statistics (http://www.bls.gov/schedule/archives/empsit_nr.htm#2011):

• February originally reported 192,000 jobs added, later revised to 235,000. Yay!
• March originally reported 216,000 jobs added, later revised to 221,000. Sweet! Oh... then revised again down to 194,000.
• April brought in 244,000... until it became 232,000
• May claimed 54,000 added... and got rounded down to 53,000... which then became 25,000. Minor math error, there, I guess.
• June posted an anemic 18,000 jobs but then got a bump to 20,000... then an inexplicable leap to 46,000... ooohhhhh but then a re-re-revised total of 20,000. But I'm sure they got it right that time.
• July supposedly brought in 117,000 jobs (perhaps including whoever the hell was supposed to be making up the figures for June)... but that eventually ticked down to 85,000.
• August? Goose egg. Zero. Zilch. Nada.

The only logical conclusion I can reach, based on current political rationale, is that math itself is racist. Seriously. I mean, think about it - it refuses to support our first (half) black President, it opposes almost every policy he's attempted to put in place, it refuses to compromise. Sound familiar to anyone? More than a little Tea Partyish, hmmm? Pure racism! In fact, I would suggest that the Department of Social Justice launch an immediate investigation and start rounding up mathematics and economics professors for spreading hate speech.

God, I shouldn't kid. It might give them more brilliant ideas.

As it is, it was almost sad - I'd posted our "The American Left can't stop playing the race card even when it makes no sense" piece just before Indiana Democratic Representative Andre Carson decided to jump on the "it's not hate speech when we use it" bandwagon. If only he'd gone there sooner or I'd waited to post a little longer.... I debated simply adding an addendum but this was such a doozy that I wanted to have a bit of a better chronology. I give it about a month before the "Tea Partists eat black babies on the Sabbath" rumors begin.

Yes, boys and girls, it seems that, according to Herr Grupenfuehrer Carson's line of thinking (when he believes he's addressing a black-only audience, that is), the Tea Party is actually a gigantic lynch party. In fact, and I quote, “some of them in Congress right now of this tea party movement would love to see you and me ... hanging on a tree.”

Yup. Makes perfect sense. Middle class Americans declaring, "We're done footing the bill for your 'free shit'." is EXACTLY the same as BillyJoeBob suggesting to BobbyLeeJames, "Hey! Let's go string us up some of them thar darkies!"

Yeah. Exactly. The. Same.

Shithead.

Anyway, Math, if you're reading this, I hope you eventually turn your back on the evil ways of white devil racism, embrace civil discourse and get with the program. Perhaps then we can figure out a way to pay for everybody's crap with money that appears from thin air.